Feminism – Equality, womanhood and why I am not a feminist

Feminism

Equality, womanhood and why I am not a feminist

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Let´s talk about a widely hated and over-socially-constructed topic:

Feminism.

Equality of men and women. Is that what it stands for? Well, if that is what it stands for, I am out. Women don’t have the same circumstances than men do. I am out because that would mean that we want to be equal to men. I am out because you say women don’t have the same circumstances than men do, so they need to be uplifted to get to the level men are. That implies that:

Men are superior.

Feminism implies the superiority of men, and the want of women to be set equal to them. Wanting to be equal means they are better. Get it now? I don’t wanna be equal to men.

The Muslim Woman

I am a woman and I am proud of being a woman and having the circumstances of my hormones, my ability to think complex, my strong feelings and the fluctuations of them, being able to make life, and the ability to persuade my partner to do anything I want just by being the most feminine version of myself, being able to work and earn money for my self only, not needing to hustle to make my family eat, not needing to provide financially but being able to contribute emotionally, care-ingly and socially, the ability to hide myself from outside views to guard my value.

Let´s be very pragmatic about what women gain in Islam. Imagine, my ability to have my own enterprise (family) with my home-grown workers (kids) and my investor (husband) building my own company culture (household values) and train talent to take over the enterprise (kids grow up and take responsibility for the family) to sit back and enjoy the beauty of my business (retiring, reading books, looking at birds, traveling the world, cuddling my grand-children). And yes, If I want to have a side-hustle/passion project (job), that provides me with income. I don’t need to share this with anyone if I don’t want to, and on top of that, I´m asking the investor (husband) to get a manager for the enterprise (nanny/cleaner/cook etc.) while I am busy with my side-hustle/ passion-project.

That is what I gain from Islam. Not feminism.

Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong, this is the most ideal version of it. I am privileged if I could do that. But if I live in a poverty environment, I will want to contribute with my hustle to my family and let my husband not have the pressure of such circumstances. And also, in any way, these things are your rights in Islam. Whether you want to take them or not, is your (you as a family unit) choice. Say your husband wants to stay home and home-school the kids while you go out work? That’s your personal choice and totally right. But at least you know the rights that are given to you, can be implemented whenever you want.

Let me now outline feminism for ya´ll(and please read the disclaimer to save your hate comments).

What feminism gives you:

Option 1: Calling you “traditional” (being a devoted wife) and “backwards” (housework and raising children) or even barbaric (homeschooling) while telling you, you are giving no value (money) to the country because you are not “economically contributing” (hustling for minimum wage) and you are not progressing (doing the same as a man).

Option 2: Complementing you on your value (money) because your are “economically contributing” (working nine to five hustles) while degrading your value (paying you less), calling you a workaholic and claiming your kids are suffering the modern ambitions (because you have a nanny to watch out for your kids) while telling you that you degrade your husband’s masculinity (if you earn more).

So basically, they want you to be like a man and still be a woman. Applied feminist politics expects women to be everything at the same time. We get equality*, but no justice.

*also: we get equality by forced regulations, which are in itself discriminating against who? Men. Compromising one for the other, that’s applied feminism. 

I don’t believe in equality

The base for feminism is, that men and women are socially, economically and politically equal. So no, I am not a feminist. Because I don’t believe in the economic and social equality for women. I believe in the justice for women and men in society. I believe in just contribution of economic, social and familial responsibility. The laws and rules are the same in terms of spiritual matters. 

  اِنَّ الۡمُسۡلِمِيۡنَ وَالۡمُسۡلِمٰتِ وَالۡمُؤۡمِنِيۡنَ وَالۡمُؤۡمِنٰتِ وَالۡقٰنِتِيۡنَ وَالۡقٰنِتٰتِ وَالصّٰدِقِيۡنَ وَالصّٰدِقٰتِ وَالصّٰبِرِيۡنَ وَالصّٰبِرٰتِ وَالۡخٰشِعِيۡنَ وَالۡخٰشِعٰتِ وَالۡمُتَصَدِّقِيۡنَ وَ الۡمُتَصَدِّقٰتِ وَالصَّآئِمِيۡنَ وَالصّٰٓـئِمٰتِ وَالۡحٰفِظِيۡنَ فُرُوۡجَهُمۡ وَالۡحٰـفِظٰتِ وَالذّٰكِرِيۡنَ اللّٰهَكَثِيۡرًا وَّ الذّٰكِرٰتِ ۙ اَعَدَّ اللّٰهُ لَهُمۡ مَّغۡفِرَةً وَّاَجۡرًا عَظِيۡمًا

Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so – for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. [Al-Ahzab 33:35]

So yes, I believe in the equal value of men and women in front of Alllah and yes, as the prophet (PBUH) implemented it, I do believe in the equivalent right on education.

I endorse fair opportunities, but I don’t think we can claim equality if we are the diverse humans we are, with the diverse abilities, strengths and weaknesses, interests, psyches, physics as we have.

… And the diverse responsibilities that we have. Imagine you have a company, and every single employee of yours has the same tasks to manage, the same things to do and has the exact same contribution in everything to the team. Would you grow? Obviously not. Because where is the team here? It´s just a group of sameness, a repetition of one and the same talent. For the business women in here, check out why a relationship functions as a business. For now:

Not an upgrade

I am a woman and I do not endorse feminism. I believe in justice in the responsibilities and opportunities of men and women. We are not the same, so I am not trying to be equal to men. Because I know as a woman, I can do more and I can do better than men in many areas, and I think a man (be it my father, my brother or my son) can do more and better in many other areas. I am not interested to compete in these areas for equality to them. That would be a downgrading for me, not an upgrade.

     اِنَّ اللّٰهَ يَاۡمُرُ بِالۡعَدۡلِ وَالۡاِحۡسَانِ وَاِيۡتَآىـئِ ذِى الۡقُرۡبٰى وَيَنۡهٰى عَنِ الۡفَحۡشَآءِ وَالۡمُنۡكَرِ وَالۡبَغۡىِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمۡ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَذَكَّرُوۡنَ

Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. [An-Nahl 16:90]

As long as I understand my value as a woman, I don´t need feminist narratives to make me ´regain´ my power. I have power in me enough to prove my voice matters, my actions matter, my being matters.

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

And please don’t forget to rate, like & share the Podcast on iTunes.

Q: What are your thoughts on feminist narratives? Would you consider yourself a feminist, do you fight for gender equality? Why or why not?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

Women´s rights sold as an ideology. One of the most marketed social constructs. Gender equality in Islam is based on deeper values. We must first embody these values to truly reclaim our rights.

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-forization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Relationship Mindset – Gender Equality in Islam?

Relationship Mindset

Gender Equality in Islam?

 

Rate the Podcast on iTunes.

“Husband and wife are equal.” “Equality for unity.” “Why shouldn´t a woman be able to do the same as a man?” “A healthy relationship works on the ground of equal rights” …

The theory sounds well, practice.. naaaatsomuch.

Let´s talk about how relationships work and let´s be pragmatic about it.
It´s teamwork. And how does teamwork work? Well, …
Like a business.

For those with some prior business knowledge, and those without. Check the abbreviations** and turn your volume up to listen.

Relationships are like businesses

In a business, there is a CEO (the Entrepreneur)**and an MD (Managing Director)**.

Both of them work on the business (from the outside) but both have very different viewpoints on the growth of the company.

The CEO

looks in the future and decides
– where the business should go strategically,
– what the long-term goals are and what strategic and
– what creative ways they should go to achieve the shared vision.

makes sure that
– there is always investment flowing into the business, so the MD can upgrade the tool efficiency and work effectiveness.

The Manager

looks from the future to the present and plans
– how the business should work (what the employees should do),
– to achieve the goals in the present and short-term goals.

makes sure that
– the business itself provides flourishing returns on such investment by upgrading the employees’ performance.

Imagine now husband and wife

Husband = CEO
Wife = Manager

Read the disclaimer before you shout “Whyyyy always the man…!”

The husband goes out and sees where the family wants to be in terms of wealth (whatever this means to you individually), in terms of achievements (spiritually and charitably, academically and professionally, personally and internationally) and in terms of property (wealth and investment). While the husband goes out and brings in the investment (income) to the family (company), the wife makes sure that the family affairs (business) work efficiently and effectively and that all members of the family (employees) provide their best performance to bring the right returns (in terms of intellectual property, social achievements, etc.).

These returns can be whatever you define and value as wealth or power.

  • Whether this would be the status of an academically educated child, which the mother (Manager) home-schooled or tutored to excellence (invested the income in high education).
  • Or whether this would be a highly artistic child, which the mother supported in their projects and searched for the best art class and accompanied to galleries and poetry events and went with them to national art competitions outside of school to support the spark of interest.
  • Or whether that mother has invested the income to provide the best health, nutrition and physical fitness education to her children so they can perform at their best in any phase of their lives. While the father makes sure there is enough bonus to surprise her and the kids for a nice vacation to a new country so the whole family can benefit from cultural richness and diverse education to their ongoing inspiration and motivation to keep the quality of the business performance on the highest level throughout the year.

Equality vs. Teamwork

Now think, if this would be possible if husband and wife would be equal (feminism) and do the same exact things and have the same exact responsibilities.

And by the way, read the disclaimer.

Because it really does not matter whether you would like to (personally) flip around this script. Let the mother be the CEO and the father the MD. Or whether you would like to swap every 5 years. But chose your roles. Because that’s how a team works…

Choosing your roles is essential because no one can scale up their performance if they are unsure what responsibilities they have. Greatness comes with focus and persistence.

 

Disclaimer: Every couple can, of course, choose for themselves. Wanna be a CEO and invest, get money in and inspire future strategies for 5years and then swap to dedicate and manage the business internally? Go for it. Whatever fits you (as a team).

 

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: How would you apply this to your life and relationship? What value can you get out of this family-business construct?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

And please don’t forget to rate, like & share the Podcast on iTunes.

 

Family, Relationship and love in Islam are all about balancing roles and responsibilities. I see relationships as a business. Family business. Gender Equality in Islam is a myth just as it is in any other sector of our human existence. The relationship mindset means teamwork.

 

** Business Abbreviations
CEO
(=Chief Executive Officer) makes the tough decisions based on the company’s needs, values and goals, sets up a strategy for the company future and increases flows of investments into the company
MD (=Managing Director) the most important working director, in charge of the way the company is managed, supervising employees performance and outcomes

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-forization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Opportunity – Create Your Own Success

Opportunity

Create Your Own Success 

 
The other day, I was ranting about how we don´t have as many opportunities when I was reminded of something: representation doesn´t help us. It´s about creating your own opportunities. Building our own table.
Here the backstory...
I remember talking to a friend that day when she mentioned something like:

Compare Kanye West and Rihanna

Okay, okay, bear with me for a bit...
Taking Kanye, he always sought out acceptance, fighting for his voice to be heard, to be known in the fashion industry.
He rants and screams and propagates about the whiteness, racism and ignorance of the fashion industry and that he will be the biggest on the table soon, they just open their eyes and see what he´d be doing.
Well... nobody really cared except his fans what he was whining about, nobody at least from the industry itself.

Now let´s look at Rihanna. She did her thing, singing and touring, being different, odd, rebellious. Yes, just like Kanye in some sense. But what did she do?
She is begged by all the fashion designers to design a new line for them and take her image and swag to support their brands under her supervision and authority. She just dropped her MakeUp line like it´s just a "side-passion" she runs to fill her free time.

She didn´t scream about there not being enough chances for brown women designing high-luxury fashion wear, she didn´t cry because there was
1) no makeup variance for non-white people and
2) not enough acceptance for unexperienced brown rebel women to do their own line of makeup besides all these established white makeup moguls.

No, she just did.

Like she´s making a sandwich and offers you a bite. There you go, I found my own solutions, take a bite!
While Kanye was still like "Can I have a bite? Can I have a bite? Why are you not sharing? You see me starving, recognize and feed me".
We can´t cry and expect others to accept us in their space.
We have to create our own space (our own table) and invite those in that have the same ambitions, values and visions as us.
That is why it is so crucial for me to understand as well, how we can rebuild our communities to actually find solutions ourselves for problems that we face and do not wait for others to get up with a solution and then whining that we are not invited to sit at their table.

 Okay, to be fair, she didn´t give that example. She took the one of wanting a seat on the table (Kanye) vs building your own table (Rihanna). To be honest, that makes somehow more sense as we can see here that Rihanna is actually building her own industry. She was one of the first influencers in that sense for luxury brands to target young urban brown women with enough money or the willingness to gain it to buy her shoes (Louboutin I think), she was one of the major influencers for sports brands to go maaaajor urban and get into the street style women´s wear hardcore (Puma) and build a ground for (brown) female athletes and artists around the world to be ambassadors themselves (which is now a whole influencer network) and she is one of the women now using other influencers to promote her own brand massively with Fenty Beauty etc. and actually (and that´s another topic) leveraging massively on diversity and marginalized communities (like Muslim women). Whatever you might think of our example, this is what life is about for us strangers..

Here is how it goes:

⦁ You need a mentor but no one in the industry is actually understanding of your values and wants? Then find someone within the community, embrace their advice and guidance and seek to refer them to your peers, building a network of mentors within the community. Don´t I hear everywhere that "We lack leaders?", yeah well. That´s one solution - DONE- NEXT
⦁ You think the schools here have a system which is discriminating against Muslims, brown people etc. and on top who´s politics and teachings go against your values?
Homeschool your kids or find a teacher, create your own school system according to your own values and then offer it to other mothers. Either teach them to homeschool their kids or find someone, or do it for a living. Give them material that helps them to school their kids, build small learning circles for group work and engagement in presentation and the area of supervision and leadership. If you gathered a couple of women who are willing to grow and evolve in homeschooling, you can build a network of teachers and maybe rent some rooms. Then build it out and eventually build your own school and school system for the children according to your values.
⦁ You think there are no job opportunities for Muslim women in media? Build your own media agency.
⦁ You think there is no company that fits your values? Build your own company. The result is: make your own sandwich (others will want to have a bite, because what is better a huge white sandwich of cheese and lettuce where everyone already bit from or the cultural diversity gourmet edition with the brown grain crusty bread on which you get roasted vegetables, spices and pickles and salmon and rucola and goats cheese on top) and
If you cannot join others, because you are excluded - Build your own table, others will want to join you.
Don´t forget to go and keep going, always thrive to change something out of your own strength, don´t wait for outside help
 وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
And those who strive for Us, We will surely, guide them (to) Our ways. And indeed, Allah surely (is) with the good-doers.[Surah 29:69].
But at the same time, make sure to create your own allies, your community, your team, your family. Sisterhood means always uniting in professional debates,
وَالَّذينَ استَجابوا لِرَبِّهِم وَأَقامُوا الصَّلاةَ وَأَمرُهُم شورىٰ بَينَهُم وَمِمّا رَزَقناهُم يُنفِقونَ
And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and
whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend. [Surah 42:38] 
In all our fight for recognition and success, we must understand that we can only ask the One for guidance, work hard and have the right intentions. For those however who work, be sure to bare in mind with all positivity, optimism and vision: 
1. Rule: Do. Don´t expect relief from anyone. Do it yourself.
2. Rule: Mobilize your tribe. Together we are stronger.
Break out of the minority mindset into the abundance mentality. 

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: What are the things you feel excluded from and how do you think you could eventually find your own solutions to build your own table?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

And please don't forget to rate, like & share the Podcast on iTunes.

 

Create success by creating your own opportunities. As minorities, we often seek to be seen and heard and we fight for our rights. We have to, however, understand that we are in the position to change our situation ourselves. We are responsible for our own success, nobody will give it to us freely.

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Time – Setting Priorities

Time Management

How to plan your day

وَٱلْعَصْرِ
إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ لَفِى خُسْرٍ
إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ

By time, Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. [Surah Al-Asr]

When I talked to the girls, I was literally so surprised. We all had different approaches to handling time and our schedule. Not only different but completely opposite to each other. But, you would never know, judging from the output.

We all get things done and we all achieve success- our own version of success. Now we all might seem similar from our sex, age, clothing (from a non-Muslim perspective), but in our versions of career, success planning, our diversity is undeniable. Law, education, sales and media, no planning, planning by writing entire research papers on the bus to work, planning in the head, in a notebook tick-off, (...) up to meticulously planning every single minute of the day (me).
We all have our own version of time planning.

But what we all do share, is the understanding that (in self-development terms):

Time is precious.

More importantly, time is the most valuable thing we have in our life because we lose it every moment and we have no chance ever to gain it back.

Now again,#YOLO might not apply to us, but still. We are here in Dunya only once and we are only given one chance to prove that we are worth entering Akhira.

The moment we chose to do A and not B means:
A is more important and urgent than B
, because

We are actually at loss everytime we choose one option.

We need to understand the value that we are leaving behind not choosing the other option!

Opportunity cost

Opportunity cost (not on our own value but on our lifetime´s value) works like this:

You ask yourself
"Is the value of A exceeding the cost of not doing B?"
Because if B is so valuable, and we are paying (with the most precious currency*), then we need to know if it is worth to lose the value of B for the sake of pursuing A.
Now getting out of the abstract.

Let´s take an easy example:
It´s 4.30pm, you need to hand in a report at 8 pm.
You are behind and are stressing out on finishing the last 5 pages. You are already sitting on your laptop for 3 hours.
You told yourself you want to be healthy, fit and successful at work.
You have a time-frame of 30min.
What do you do?

Option A:  you write another page for your report
Option B:  you work out

Now both options sound reasonably important.
The report will probably determine how far you get with your goal of being "successful" at work and you are behind in your work.
Now the work itself sounds more urgent, as it has a fixed deadline.

At the same time, you want to stick to your health and fitness goals because they are important to you, but it is something you set for yourself and it has not a contract-related deadline on it.

With usual important/urgent planning tools, you would categorize

Option A: important & urgent and
Option B: important & not urgent.

But if you consider your opportunity cost, your calculation will probably look like this:

If I don´t do Option A: I have to speed up my writing process and get half a page more done within each half an hour. I will need to be 100% focused on finishing this for the rest of the time.

If I don´t do Option B: I will have less energy in my body and my back will hurt, sitting on the laptop already for 3hours and probably having to sit there the next 3.5hours more. I will get tired, my legs will feel heavy and my mind will probably get tired from staring into the screen for such a long time.

Why so?
Well, here´s a  side-note:
Exercising fuels your energy makes you more focused and boosts your creativity.

Working out activates your muscles, relaxes your body in positions which require stagnancy (sitting on a laptop) and it prevents you from becoming sleepy or stressed out. Workout releases stress, gives you focus and improves your productivity. (read up more here)

So yes, I'll go for Option B, because I know the opportunity cost of it if I decide not to.

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: How do you plan your days, do you have notebooks, journals,
you´re a mind-planner or you use some fancy planning tools?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

Time is money. But more importantly, time is the currency we will never get back until we leave this life inshallah. We all have the same amount of this currency, so it depends only on us what we do with it. Time is a gift from god we need to keep safe by using it wisely.

Until next time,

السلام عليكم

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Value – What is Self-Worth

Value

Means self-worth

value
/ˈvaljuː/
noun
1. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. "your support is of great value"
2. principles or standards of behaviour; one's judgement of what is important in life. "they internalize their parents' rules and values" 
Source: google dictionary

I´ve been wanting to define "value" for myself for a long time.

Even just comparing two major yoga channels I watch which are built upon personal brands, I can see how individuals follow individuals and how characters seek characters which are familiar to them.

Understanding, that I am not made to serve everybody.

But that I was chosen to bring value to a specific type of people, which could truly, sincerely and fully benefit from what I can provide.

It's sad to say, but our energies are limited. And others attention spans as well. So I don´t try to fit everyone's mould. If you understand where I come from, you can relate and we share the same values and objectives, let's go with it and for it. But I don´t aim to be your perfect spokesperson.

What is in my authority is simply the drive to understand my value and to value my value. To reach the full capacity of my value and most importantly- speak for myself only.
I can´t say that someone else's experience is the same as mine, however, I can always personally relate to other´s experiences and learn my own lessons for my own life providing my own input.

For years (and somehow still ongoing) I didn´t know my value.

I didn´t know how big it was.

And to be very frank here, I´m not trying to elevate my self up to a level for personal display. But I see many girls that I teach do the same to them as I did. Not analysing what you can offer and what your deepest self is worth, with all knowledge, skills, experiences, attitudes, mindsets and yes also future possibilities. I strongly encourage us to understand that even the not-yet-achievements are our assets. And "opportunity cost" is an actual thing.

If you ain´t got me, you ain't got opportunity A-Z.

Simply speaking, we should treat ourselves (NEVER as a commodity) but as a jewellery. I remember Yasmin Mogahed telling to see yourself as a diamond. Would anyone offer a diamond to someone who says "I REALLY like this one, but maaan I only have one dollar, pound, Euro whatever"? Would you be like "Yeah, no worries you can bring it after some month if you see an opportunity to get in more money"?
NOPE. Thanks.

Don´t offer yourself under value

And yes, I am referring to all the sectors in our lives.
Be it personal relationships and someone refusing to bring in the amount of respect, support, communication, patience and gut it takes to get you ...
Or when I refer to simple job interviews and someone tryna sell you into a "growth opportunity" with half-of-the-price your qualifications are worth entry salary...
Or whether I talk about a friend who only calls you when she wants something but who is like, Can I call you back another time? Hm sorry its really busy right now..? Maybe we can meet the other week? WE  should definitely see each other again? But never gets back to check on you, when YOU have a problem!

All these scenarios, baby if you´d known your worth, you´d be so far by now. But no worries, we´ll catch up,

You see my bouncing off that wall of ignorance for my value.

 

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: In what situation did you think "This is not what I deserve. I deserve more!", and what did you do to claim it? / How would you like to deal with it in the future?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

Know your value. Believe in your worth. Define your self-value. Your character determines your self-worth. Believe in the worth you can bring to this earth. God has written it for you a long time ago. Claim it.

 

Until next time,

السلام عليكم

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Inspiration – The myth of creativity

Inspiration

The process of creation, the myth of  creativity

There is a misconception of the word “inspiration”.

We are always told that great people, thriving entrepreneurs and succeeding individuals are always motivated and inspired by anything and everything around them.

Simply put, that´s a big lie.

You can´t say all great achievers are on their top game 24/7. If you believe that, and you apply it to yourself, you lose. Let's take the example of a writer:

If you only write in the feeling of inspiration, you will not create much value in anything. You cannot wait for this feeling. Not doing anything is not inspiring, so how can you expect your non-doing to inspire you?

Writing even if “I don’t feel like it” makes me create much more value than me confidently sitting on my desk with excitement to be inspired and inspiring. My deepest thoughts, when I feel like I have nothing, is often everything I wanted (without knowing that I wanted it).

Being lost can be productive. BUT only if I create. When I feel lost and I write (even about being lost). This might be my vulnerability, the closeness to my inner thoughts and feelings, the fears I tap into to neutralize, the secrets to uncover, the unexpected value that crystallizes. Whatever it may be, it can only come to light and down on my paper (or screen for that matter), if I write in a time “I don’t feel like it”.

Writer Dani Shapiro:

The productive despair, describing the feeling of a deep sea diver when she almost hits the bottom of the ocean floor, that’s when she hits that place and is able to push herself up again from there.

The pan-ultimate place. Feeling the inner-sensor of resistance, that is the place that can bring me up again.

That feeling in that place, where you feel the opposite of comfortable, that is when you can get up again.

Make the time sacred

Be routine-based, ritual-based!

When you are in that place of "I don´t feel like it", it doesn´t matter. Your body already told your mind: We are set up for this, We will do this, And we will do this right. Because everything is “set up” for you as if you would like to achieve something.

How does this being "set up"  look like?

It can look so so different for every single person here. Maybe you like to be in a nice coffee shop? You want to be in a clean room, light some candles maybe? Wear a nice dress and put on some jewellery, some fancy shoes even? Want some tea and fresh fruits on the side?

Just a quick reminder:

Your feelings don´t matter

(at least in the moment they don´t feel like it).

You are either here to see other people succeed, consume, sit down watch what other people do, or

You do it yourself.

Don´t be a consumer, be a creator. 

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: What do you like to do to feel set up to create? What do you do to prepare yourself for success? How does the setting look like? What makes you feel most creative to create?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

The myth of creativity affects everyone who wants to achieve greatness. Here is why you need to get rid of it: inspiration is not your hero. You are your only way to success. DO, CREATE, even if you don´t feel like it!

 

Until next time,

السلام عليكم

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance.

 

Energy – Cleanse your mind

Energy 

Cleanse your mind

 

Rain Purifies

It is pure and clean when it falls down the earth. It washes off all the dirt of everything it touches. It wipes clean the impurity of the objects around it. And by the time it hits the ground, it has become dirty. Then it flows back from leaves to rivers and seas cleansing itself and raising up in the sky again. To then come back down in full purity.

Look at the revelation is that sense.
We have been given the Quran, the truth, and understanding and it has cleansed our human experience.
Now we bring this experience as pure and clean as it is to others around us whose hearts are not cleansed and their thoughts, mindsets, and beliefs might be full of burden. The dirt of society and power struggles, of the worshipping of money and status, likes, and followers. The experience that we are given has the power to clean hearts - ourselves first and then theirs. Whatever touches them and remains, cleanses a part of their being just as it has done it with ours.
Maybe they believe too that we are here to be kind to others, to respect our mothers and fathers, to give to the poor and to understand and be grateful about something that is more powerful than we are, maybe they even believe in a creator but they refuse to acknowledge to thank and praise him.
Whatever they take from the purity of understanding we bring, will wash them clean in some way, opening their hearts to the purity of intention and value of our existence. 

Outside Energies

But during all this time, outside energies, arguing or negativity, might already have put a burden on us in some way. It is tough to deal with people who don´t have the same values, whose most basic worldviews and attitudes are contrasting to yours.

Though I have to remember: never ´otherize´, never put yourself in a higher place, never think you are better than anyone around you. I have to remember: arrogance is ignorance. Being true to myself is what will help to understand the viewpoint of others, and although I never need to accept it, I need to respect their existence.

We never know, what others do in private. 

After discussions, after setbacks, after having to defend and explain yourself over an over again. At some point, we need to cleanse ourselves again. Cleanse ourselves from the prejudice, from the pessimism, from the discrimination from the ignorance of others. The ignorance of our values or our viewpoints.

I have the tools


But how do I do that? Do I do that even? Do I take time to ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to relief the burden I feel daily? The burden of being a Muslim woman in a world that does not respect my values, decisions or even... mere physical existence? Do I ask for relief the burden just as the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam did?  

While I am not saying we have the same burden as the Prophet (saw) did, I have to acknowledge that he has shown us, if we are burdened in some way (any, believe me, mental and emotional burden is secured for us as Muslim women in this environment), rather than ´victimizing´ ourselves and screaming "ignorance" and "Islamophobia", we can actually ask to be relieved of that pressure.

I can ask to cleanse my mind(set) again to go out with new energy, having the purest tools to set myself up and to stand up for our beliefs.  I need to understand for myself: I have the tools.

Imagine how you feel reciting just for 5 minutes, after a day full of discussions, comments about your opinions and appearance. Imagine just 5minutes.

Allah's word purifies. It washes off all the dirt of everything it touches.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

 

أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ ° وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ  °  الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ ° وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ°  فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ° إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ° فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ
 
Have We not expanded for you your breast? And We removed from you your burden, Which weighed down your back? And We exalted for you your reputation? Then, surely with hardship comes ease: Surely, with hardship comes ease, So when you have finished (with your immediate task), still strive hard, (then toil), And to your Lord turn (all) your attention. [Surah Al-Inshirah 94]

 

Q: What do you do to cleanse your mind from outside energy? Is there anything you go back to that eases your mind?

Pure energy is important for us to do what we do best in the best way. We need to set up our mind to perform at your best level.

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelingsThis blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance.