Feminism – Equality, womanhood and why I am not a feminist

Feminism

Equality, womanhood and why I am not a feminist

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Let´s talk about a widely hated and over-socially-constructed topic:

Feminism.

Equality of men and women. Is that what it stands for? Well, if that is what it stands for, I am out. Women don’t have the same circumstances than men do. I am out because that would mean that we want to be equal to men. I am out because you say women don’t have the same circumstances than men do, so they need to be uplifted to get to the level men are. That implies that:

Men are superior.

Feminism implies the superiority of men, and the want of women to be set equal to them. Wanting to be equal means they are better. Get it now? I don’t wanna be equal to men.

The Muslim Woman

I am a woman and I am proud of being a woman and having the circumstances of my hormones, my ability to think complex, my strong feelings and the fluctuations of them, being able to make life, and the ability to persuade my partner to do anything I want just by being the most feminine version of myself, being able to work and earn money for my self only, not needing to hustle to make my family eat, not needing to provide financially but being able to contribute emotionally, care-ingly and socially, the ability to hide myself from outside views to guard my value.

Let´s be very pragmatic about what women gain in Islam. Imagine, my ability to have my own enterprise (family) with my home-grown workers (kids) and my investor (husband) building my own company culture (household values) and train talent to take over the enterprise (kids grow up and take responsibility for the family) to sit back and enjoy the beauty of my business (retiring, reading books, looking at birds, traveling the world, cuddling my grand-children). And yes, If I want to have a side-hustle/passion project (job), that provides me with income. I don’t need to share this with anyone if I don’t want to, and on top of that, I´m asking the investor (husband) to get a manager for the enterprise (nanny/cleaner/cook etc.) while I am busy with my side-hustle/ passion-project.

That is what I gain from Islam. Not feminism.

Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong, this is the most ideal version of it. I am privileged if I could do that. But if I live in a poverty environment, I will want to contribute with my hustle to my family and let my husband not have the pressure of such circumstances. And also, in any way, these things are your rights in Islam. Whether you want to take them or not, is your (you as a family unit) choice. Say your husband wants to stay home and home-school the kids while you go out work? That’s your personal choice and totally right. But at least you know the rights that are given to you, can be implemented whenever you want.

Let me now outline feminism for ya´ll(and please read the disclaimer to save your hate comments).

What feminism gives you:

Option 1: Calling you “traditional” (being a devoted wife) and “backwards” (housework and raising children) or even barbaric (homeschooling) while telling you, you are giving no value (money) to the country because you are not “economically contributing” (hustling for minimum wage) and you are not progressing (doing the same as a man).

Option 2: Complementing you on your value (money) because your are “economically contributing” (working nine to five hustles) while degrading your value (paying you less), calling you a workaholic and claiming your kids are suffering the modern ambitions (because you have a nanny to watch out for your kids) while telling you that you degrade your husband’s masculinity (if you earn more).

So basically, they want you to be like a man and still be a woman. Applied feminist politics expects women to be everything at the same time. We get equality*, but no justice.

*also: we get equality by forced regulations, which are in itself discriminating against who? Men. Compromising one for the other, that’s applied feminism. 

I don’t believe in equality

The base for feminism is, that men and women are socially, economically and politically equal. So no, I am not a feminist. Because I don’t believe in the economic and social equality for women. I believe in the justice for women and men in society. I believe in just contribution of economic, social and familial responsibility. The laws and rules are the same in terms of spiritual matters. 

  اِنَّ الۡمُسۡلِمِيۡنَ وَالۡمُسۡلِمٰتِ وَالۡمُؤۡمِنِيۡنَ وَالۡمُؤۡمِنٰتِ وَالۡقٰنِتِيۡنَ وَالۡقٰنِتٰتِ وَالصّٰدِقِيۡنَ وَالصّٰدِقٰتِ وَالصّٰبِرِيۡنَ وَالصّٰبِرٰتِ وَالۡخٰشِعِيۡنَ وَالۡخٰشِعٰتِ وَالۡمُتَصَدِّقِيۡنَ وَ الۡمُتَصَدِّقٰتِ وَالصَّآئِمِيۡنَ وَالصّٰٓـئِمٰتِ وَالۡحٰفِظِيۡنَ فُرُوۡجَهُمۡ وَالۡحٰـفِظٰتِ وَالذّٰكِرِيۡنَ اللّٰهَكَثِيۡرًا وَّ الذّٰكِرٰتِ ۙ اَعَدَّ اللّٰهُ لَهُمۡ مَّغۡفِرَةً وَّاَجۡرًا عَظِيۡمًا

Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. [Al-Ahzab 33:35]

So yes, I believe in the equal value of men and women in front of Alllah and yes, as the prophet (PBUH) implemented it, I do believe in the equivalent right on education.

I endorse fair opportunities, but I don’t think we can claim equality if we are the diverse humans we are, with the diverse abilities, strengths and weaknesses, interests, psyches, physics as we have.

... And the diverse responsibilities that we have. Imagine you have a company, and every single employee of yours has the same tasks to manage, the same things to do and has the exact same contribution in everything to the team. Would you grow? Obviously not. Because where is the team here? It´s just a group of sameness, a repetition of one and the same talent. For the business women in here, check out why a relationship functions as a business. For now:

Not an upgrade

I am a woman and I do not endorse feminism. I believe in justice in the responsibilities and opportunities of men and women. We are not the same, so I am not trying to be equal to men. Because I know as a woman, I can do more and I can do better than men in many areas, and I think a man (be it my father, my brother or my son) can do more and better in many other areas. I am not interested to compete in these areas for equality to them. That would be a downgrading for me, not an upgrade.

     اِنَّ اللّٰهَ يَاۡمُرُ بِالۡعَدۡلِ وَالۡاِحۡسَانِ وَاِيۡتَآىـئِ ذِى الۡقُرۡبٰى وَيَنۡهٰى عَنِ الۡفَحۡشَآءِ وَالۡمُنۡكَرِ وَالۡبَغۡىِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمۡ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَذَكَّرُوۡنَ

Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. [An-Nahl 16:90]

As long as I understand my value as a woman, I don´t need feminist narratives to make me ´regain´ my power. I have power in me enough to prove my voice matters, my actions matter, my being matters.

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

And please don't forget to rate, like & share the Podcast on iTunes.

Q: What are your thoughts on feminist narratives? Would you consider yourself a feminist, do you fight for gender equality? Why or why not?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

Women´s rights sold as an ideology. One of the most marketed social constructs. Gender equality in Islam is based on deeper values. We must first embody these values to truly reclaim our rights.

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-for-ization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.

 

Relationship Mindset – Gender Equality in Islam?

Relationship Mindset

Gender Equality in Islam?

 

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“Husband and wife are equal.” “Equality for unity.” “Why shouldn´t a woman be able to do the same as a man?” “A healthy relationship works on the ground of equal rights” …

The theory sounds well, practice.. naaaatsomuch.

Let´s talk about how relationships work and let´s be pragmatic about it.
It´s teamwork. And how does teamwork work? Well, …
Like a business.

For those with some prior business knowledge, and those without. Check the abbreviations** and turn your volume up to listen.

Relationships are like businesses

In a business, there is a CEO (the Entrepreneur)**and an MD (Managing Director)**.

Both of them work on the business (from the outside) but both have very different viewpoints on the growth of the company.

The CEO

looks in the future and decides
– where the business should go strategically,
– what the long-term goals are and what strategic and
– what creative ways they should go to achieve the shared vision.

makes sure that
– there is always investment flowing into the business, so the MD can upgrade the tool efficiency and work effectiveness.

The Manager

looks from the future to the present and plans
– how the business should work (what the employees should do),
– to achieve the goals in the present and short-term goals.

makes sure that
– the business itself provides flourishing returns on such investment by upgrading the employees’ performance.

Imagine now husband and wife

Husband = CEO
Wife = Manager

Read the disclaimer before you shout “Whyyyy always the man…!”

The husband goes out and sees where the family wants to be in terms of wealth (whatever this means to you individually), in terms of achievements (spiritually and charitably, academically and professionally, personally and internationally) and in terms of property (wealth and investment). While the husband goes out and brings in the investment (income) to the family (company), the wife makes sure that the family affairs (business) work efficiently and effectively and that all members of the family (employees) provide their best performance to bring the right returns (in terms of intellectual property, social achievements, etc.).

These returns can be whatever you define and value as wealth or power.

  • Whether this would be the status of an academically educated child, which the mother (Manager) home-schooled or tutored to excellence (invested the income in high education).
  • Or whether this would be a highly artistic child, which the mother supported in their projects and searched for the best art class and accompanied to galleries and poetry events and went with them to national art competitions outside of school to support the spark of interest.
  • Or whether that mother has invested the income to provide the best health, nutrition and physical fitness education to her children so they can perform at their best in any phase of their lives. While the father makes sure there is enough bonus to surprise her and the kids for a nice vacation to a new country so the whole family can benefit from cultural richness and diverse education to their ongoing inspiration and motivation to keep the quality of the business performance on the highest level throughout the year.

Equality vs. Teamwork

Now think, if this would be possible if husband and wife would be equal (feminism) and do the same exact things and have the same exact responsibilities.

And by the way, read the disclaimer.

Because it really does not matter whether you would like to (personally) flip around this script. Let the mother be the CEO and the father the MD. Or whether you would like to swap every 5 years. But chose your roles. Because that’s how a team works…

Choosing your roles is essential because no one can scale up their performance if they are unsure what responsibilities they have. Greatness comes with focus and persistence.

 

Disclaimer: Every couple can, of course, choose for themselves. Wanna be a CEO and invest, get money in and inspire future strategies for 5years and then swap to dedicate and manage the business internally? Go for it. Whatever fits you (as a team).

 

AND NOW YOU, share with us your opinion and share this conversation with a sister.

Q: How would you apply this to your life and relationship? What value can you get out of this family-business construct?

Leave your answer down in the comments, and share your diversity with us.

And please don’t forget to rate, like & share the Podcast on iTunes.

 

Family, Relationship and love in Islam are all about balancing roles and responsibilities. I see relationships as a business. Family business. Gender Equality in Islam is a myth just as it is in any other sector of our human existence. The relationship mindset means teamwork.

 

** Business Abbreviations
CEO
(=Chief Executive Officer) makes the tough decisions based on the company’s needs, values and goals, sets up a strategy for the company future and increases flows of investments into the company
MD (=Managing Director) the most important working director, in charge of the way the company is managed, supervising employees performance and outcomes

 

Disclaimer: This is a merely personal view of an individual life. None of this is supposed to reflect or exemplify women, reverts, Muslims or even Islam. Self-identification is not to be seen in relation to a group but merely in relation to oneself. One might share this identity but must not publicly announce its speciality or an imagined community created by such. The sharing or not-sharing of identity (with ethnic, cultural, spiritual, gender-specific, nation or whatever other forms of identification) is neither good nor bad but remains personal and private to oneself. The author is voicing personal opinions and rejects any generalization or speaking-forization but rather aims to shed light on one of many diverse stories of one of many diverse individuals in one (or more) of many diverse contexts. Also, the author tends to create grammatically incorrect words to clarify perceived phenomena, opinions or feelings. This blog might include discriminating terms which are emotionally loaded by a long history of oppression and suffrage. Do not read this if you get offended by the cruelty of ignorance. This is still a place for peace and love, the way we all strive to live out our purpose.